Searching

Arlie challenged us to move from one location to another, inspired by a very cool technique he and Cass Adair used on their piece for the Dig. I didn't really manage it, but I liked this little challenge anyway - it encapsulated a moment in my grief that was all-consuming. The year my sister died was stunning. A wet winter and a warm spring meant trees heavy with pastel pallettes, the incredible feeling of warm sun on skin in the early mornings. It was the beginning of the first lockdown, and the birdsong was all there was to hear.

Among all this, I couldn't stop looking for my sister. I was sure she would be trying to contact me, somehow, some way. I couldn't help it. I’m not religious, so I don’t believe she is watching over me as such, but everywhere I go, I see her. Anything beautiful I see or touch or hear or smell or taste feels like a gift from her, her little way of making my day better. It’s a huge comfort even as it accentuates the deep loss I feel.